


It's late September and all I remember...

by stillxfuckxit



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Ian, Fluff and Smut, Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich are best friends, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Top Mickey Milkovich, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-19 08:44:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3603750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillxfuckxit/pseuds/stillxfuckxit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So... I have no idea how exactly to explain this but I'll try without actually spoiling everything. </p><p>Ian and Mickey had been best friends since first grade. Mickey had to leave for good but Ian couldn't give up on him. Years pass and they hadn't seen eachother for a long time. They had different lifes but they meet again. And here the drama begins... </p><p>I made a playlist with the songs I've been listening lately while writing.<br/><a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLpPbvjezWSkqayyQvo3mL0mZKJBWKdCrf"><b><i>Click for the Playlist</i></b></a></p><p>/most of the fic would be back and forth in time, so be prepaired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Right from the end

**Author's Note:**

> It's 3 am and I am writing... Don't expect something unbelievebly good. It's just something that I started considering as a story from some time and decided to give it a try. 
> 
> Enjoy :3

2010, 26th of September, Chicago

It was about 2 am when a ringing noise woke up the quiet Gallagher house. The display of the mobile phone lit up the dark boys’ room for a second, right before a pale, big hand grabbed it from the night counter and hit the green answer button. The conversation was as usual – short and sounded almost like taking orders. The only words that slit trough the boy’s mouth were I’m on my way and the conversation ended. The ginger boy jumped on his feet not even bothering to open the wardrobe, just collecting his clothes from the ground, which he wore the previous day and putting them while moving through the quiet house. He was walking like a cat – trying not to make noise and wake his whole fucking family. He didn’t want to answer too much questions.  
Grabbing his coat from the hanger next to the kitchen door, the boy stormed out like there was fire somewhere not even bothering to lock the door. The cold slapped him in the face and he felt his whole body shivering, not even putting his hands in the goddamn pockets made him feel better. I’m gonna kill him was the only thing that went through his mind. He tried to find the pack of cigarettes in the inner pocket of his coat but no luck. Not only there were none but his fingers went numb in the moment they get out of the warmth of the cloth. He cursed in his hands right in front of his mouth, trying to warm them with his breath, it could have not been that worse if the rain wasn’t pouring down the cold streets of South Chicago.  
And then he saw it. An old model of Mercedes Clk stopped in front of him and the door on the passenger’s side opened theatrically. Without even thinking, the ginger boy jumped in his seat, combing his wet hair with his fingers.  
“Couldn’t you just come and pick me up like a normal person at let’s say… 10 am?” he blurted, eyes daring on his friend’s lit up with joy face.  
“And what’s the fun of that, princess?” was the only answer he got before the raven-haired boy started the engine again.  
Yep… That was the life of the 15 years old Ian Gallagher. Midnight and late night visits of his friends, sneaking out of the house while everyone’s asleep, secretly smoking weed in the baseball field and lots of other stuff he’d probably never do if he didn’t have a bad influence in his life – as his best friend’s one. But, let’s be honest, his whole life was a mess so probably Mickey’s behavior was his least problem.  
“Will you at least tell me where are we going?” Ian said calmly, while switching the channels of the old radio.  
“To the Diamond Planet, where do you think?” a mocking smile came on Mickey’s face when he turned his eyes off the road staring at his friend’s confused face.  
“Swear to God, Mick, you are an asshole.” He answered, throwing his coat on the back seats, breaking the eye contact.  
“Yeah… You think so?”  
Without waiting for Gallagher’s smartass answer, Mickey hit the gas pedal. The car was moving fast on the worst hidden roads of South Chicago while the rain outside was still pouring down, blurring the image in front of Mickey’s eyes. When they finally stopped, it was a place that Gallagher had never seen before. It looked like an old, abandoned parking lot with all the high, grey buildings around it, which seemed more than empty and dysfunctional now. The whole place looked like a poster from a horror movie and Ian kinda liked it, it had its own personality, he thought.  
“So you got a new car, huh? Where did you steal it from this time?” Ian asked with a grin on his face. His voice was low and hoarse, like Mickey had just got him out of bed. Oh, wait… He actually did that.  
“Some dumbshit left it unlocked in the parking lot outside Mandy’s café.” Mickey said like it was not a big deal and went through the glove compartment, looking for his cigarettes. “Oh, don’t give me that look, man, it’s not my fault he left his car and keys” he pointed at them with his index finger “The car was screaming Please, take me away and take care of me, Mick”.  
“Jackass” Ian murmured while reaching for the pack of cigarettes in Mickey’s lap, right before his fingers got slapped by the raven-haired boy, like they were at school and he had just got troubled.  
“Come on, man, you can’t do this to me” Ian said with a puppy look on his pretty pale face. He knew that his friend can’t stand this face he was making, just because he wasn’t able to say no.  
“Jesus, Gallagher, steal your own fucking pack, for God’s sake!” Mickey almost shouted but finally gave up and even lit the boy’s cigarette. “Take that dumb smile off your face, asshole.” Mickey said seriously but his eyes were already showing that he’s laughing on the inside.  
“Okay, okay. Maybe you should tell me why the fuck am I here. Got in a fight with Jacob again?” Ian asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. His wet hair was falling on his forehead but he didn’t care, he wasn’t trying to look cool and badass at all… Okay, maybe he was but that’s not the point.  
“Why do I have to be in a fight with Jacob to call you, man?” the voice of Mickey was low and serious but Ian was able to read his face like an open book, so there wasn’t any point for Milkovich to even try and hide the real reason they were both sitting in the car right now.  
“’Cause you always do it, maybe? The last time you called me in 2 am and got me out of bed was because he went through all of your text messages and saw everything we had talked ‘bout him”. Mickey smirked at the memory of that night. After all, the fight with Jacob led to an unforgettable night with Gallagher, where they both got too drunk to even remember most of the details. But that’s a story I’d tell you later.  
“Fuck you, it’s not true.” Ian lifted his eyebrows as a response – just like Mickey would do it and smiled softly. “Fuck you” repeated Milkovich.  
“Okay, so you just got bored and decided to fucking get me out of my house, like we are about to bury someone in your backyard just because… because. “  
And here was the silence. It only meant that Ian was right – something was in Mickey’s head and his face was showing that it is something serious.  
“Alright, alright…” he took his window down letting the cold inside the car, the rain pouring on his left arm, soaking his leather jacket. Mickey took a last breath full of smoke before throwing the butt of the cigarette through the window and breathed out loudly in the car. His eyes were everywhere except on Ian’s face. He didn’t have the strength to look at his eyes right now. But he had to do it sooner or later. It was about time, he was trying to hide it the past few days but things got so fucking messed up that he had no chance but telling him this night.  
“I’m leaving”.  
His words hit Ian right in the stomach. His heart skipped a beat right before he felt his stomach sick. So many thoughts went through his mind that he felt his world spinning around like some disco shit, his head dizzy and high. With a lick on his lower lip, Gallagher tried to return his senses back to normal, his lips too dry to even spit a word out.  
“Did you hear me?! I’m leaving.” Mickey’s word sounded more like whispers now and the ginger boy wasn’t really sure if it is just a bad dream. Believe me, he had many of these…  
“What the hell did you mean?” Ian asked when he finally got himself together. “Why, where, how long?” Mickey bit his lower lip, feeling the blood bursting into his mouth. His eyes went down on Ian’s face, staring at his lips which were parted in surprise right now. He couldn’t stand watching him in his eyes.  
“I’m leaving, man. I’m leaving for good.” Mickey’s voice almost broke down in the last sentence and he took his eyes away from Gallagher. Maybe this was a mistake? Maybe he shouldn’t have call him. Maybe he just had to leave and never look back but he couldn’t.  
“But… how…I mean…Why…” Ian was searching for the best word, the best questions he could ask but his brain had stopped functioning in the moment Mickey said he was leaving. “Does Jacob know?” He finally asked, reaching for Mickey’s shirt. His fingers wrapped around the soft material of the cloth and pulled him closer to Ian so he can face him. “Would you at least look at me?!” Ian shouted in his face, his eyes widen and full of emotions.  
“No. I haven’t told him yet. I… decided you should know first. I’m leaving tonight.” – he pointed with his head at the back seat where was his suitcase. How could Ian not notice it?!  
“TONIGHT?!”  
Okay… Ian was shouting now. He was shouting that loud that he could feel his lungs burning, his trout vibrating and his eyes shaking.  
“Yeah… Tonight. I can’t tell you more, man, believe me, it’s for your sake. But.. just… Don’t hate me, ‘key?!” The ginger boy could almost feel the pain Mickey was dealing with right now. His face was pale white, not that he was not normally too pale, his eyes hard and serious. Only the way he was biting his lips and the way he spoke, were showing what he was really feeling.  
The rest of the night went silent. Ian tried to ask some more questions about Mickey’s leaving but they all stayed with no answer, hanging in the air. So many possible reasons went through Ian’s mind that he finally gave up and just joined Mickey in staring through the wet front window. From time to time they glimpsed at each other but nothing more. No words, no laugh, no touch. Nothing.  
When the morning came, they both wake up from the sun lights, surprisingly going through the window, like the rain wasn’t pouring all night. Ian murmured something in his sleep and put his hand in front of his eyes, trying to find a more comfortable position for sleeping in the front seat.  
“Rise and shine, Cinderella. It’s time.” Mickey muttered huskily and started yawning. “Oh, Fuck!” he almost jumped on his seat, rubbing his sleepy eyes. He had lost too much time, by now he had to be on some highway forgetting about the life he had in Chicago. Fuck, he was too-fucking-late. “  
The fuck, Mick?!” Ian asked sleepily, slowly getting up, feeling his body stiff from the last night sleep.  
“I’m fucking late.” And without telling anything else, Mickey started the car and went for a last time in the town he hated. He had done his job there and everything would be completed after he left Ian on the Gallaghers’ doorstep.  
“So you are really leaving, huh?” Ian asked calmly, his voice full of tiredness and sadness. He didn’t want to look weak, Mickey knew that, but there was nothing that could wipe off the puppy face Gallagher was making right now.  
“Ugh-hu, I am.”  
“So, it’s a goodbye then?!” Ian’s eyes filled with unwanted tears and the only thing he could do to hide them right now was to turn his head away.  
“We ain’t playin’ that soft bullshit on romance TV, man. Just get the fuck out of the car.” And again he bit his lower lip.  
“You know what, Mickey, fuck you!” was the only thing that Ian said before storming out of the car.  
He hit the door with his foot and then the fence which was barely staying normal right now. He didn’t turn his head to see if Mickey had left, he knew he wasn’t. He was imagining the raven-haired boy giving him the middle finger now. The motherfucker was waiting for him to get inside. Rolling on his heel, he yelled as loud as he could “F-U-C-K Y-O-U, A-S-S-H-O-L-E”. Tears started streaming down his face and Ian could taste the salt in them. They fucking burned on his cold cheeks but he didn’t really care. It was too fucking much for one night. For the last night with Mickey. Hitting the back door with a fist, he entered the room and fell on his knees, not able to move an inch from there. Ian heard the car driving away. So… he really left. And like that, Ian Gallagher’s world fell apart.


	2. Speeding cars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian is still trying to assimilate what have happened some hours before and after some time, spent in denial and anger, he recalls some memories with Mickey, which he would never forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this chapter is in 2010, the second one two years earlier, when they were just stupid kids and everything was easier :3

_Here's the day you hoped would never come_ __  
Don't feed me violins  
just run with me through rows of speeding cars.  
The papercuts the cheating lovers  
The coffee's never strong enough  
i know you think it's more than just bad luck  
  
There there baby  
it's just text book stuff  
it's in the ABC of growing up  
Now, now darling  
oh don't lose your head  
cause none of us were angels  
and you know I love you yeah __  
(Imogen Heap – Speeding cars)

**_ 2010, 26th of September, Chicago _ **

“Hey, sweetie, what’s going on?”  
The voice that woke Ian up was calm and soothing. He could feel a small hand going slightly over his T-shirt, caressing his arm slowly. For a minute, he kept his eyes wide open as he was trying to realize where he was right now. His vision was blurred and everything he could see was a fragile woman’s figure, kneeling in front of him. A few more seconds and he recognized Fiona. There was a mix of feelings written on her face and he tried to call back the memories from what must have happened.  
“Ian, everything okay?!”  
The ginger boy looked around, realizing he must have fallen asleep on the ground. There was no way he could answer her right now, he was feeling like a completely different person put in Ian’s body. Ian he knew wasn’t a sobbing mess on the kitchen floor, wasn’t scared to face the problems and for sure wasn’t the whining bitch he was right now. No, this must have been someone else in his body.  
He could still feel his eyes puffy and his lips dry, like he had spent the last night drinking. But no, he didn’t do that. And Ian finally put every piece of the puzzle –‘cause that was exactly how he felt his thoughts – to its place, connecting the dots of the last night’s memories. And without even thinking he fell on the floor again, hitting with his forearms the floor beneath him, not actually feeling pain.  
Ian had ended the first phase – the sad, crying and whining one, and had just stepped into phase two and three combined – denial and anger.  
“THAT SON OF A BITCH!” he screamed as loud as he could, feeling how every single part of his body and soul is tearing apart. Hitting the ground again – this time with a fist, Ian saw his own blood colouring the yellow-white tiles on the floor. This, for sure, brought some unwanted memories from a certain Thanksgiving Day in Gallaghers’ house.    
Ian wasn’t sure if he was really hearing his own name coming over and over again from Fiona’s mouth but he could read the fear written on her face. But the ginger boy just couldn’t stop himself. It was like someone else was controlling his body and he was able to do nothing but stand there and watch it like a horror show. Fiona stretched her hand to his bleeding knuckles but he pulled away from her as she was trying to hurt him, too. Never again. He would never let someone hurt him again. Ever. He had trusted Mickey too much and now he was fucking alone in the worst years of his life. Actually, he wasn’t sure that anything good is about to happen to him in the next few years. It was just Gallaghers’ luck and, after all, he was a Gallagher.  
When Ian finally ran out of energy he collapsed on the floor with his hands covering his face. He expected to feel the burning tears down to his cheeks but there was nothing. Not even a trail of them.  He was so fucking angry that he didn’t have the strength or time to cry. It was better that way, because the Milkovich boy didn’t deserve his tears. He left – no reason, explanation or anything. Hell, he called him in the middle of the night to tell him the only thing Ian didn’t want to hear. And left. The boy could still hear the sound of the driving away car in his head. And the sound was getting louder and louder. God, if he could only stop that sound.  
“Please…  Go away, just leave me. GO!” he shouted at his older sister and slid his butt on the floor, hitting his back at the hard wall behind him. His head jumped like it was a basketball ball, his lips curled in a tired fake smile and shut his eyes.  
Ian had no idea if Fiona was still there but he just drifted away his thoughts, trying to stop them floating in his mind. And suddenly he was somewhere else.

**_ 2008,20th of January, Chicago _ **

When the Milkovich family moved in the neighborhood, everyone knew that they are going to bring nothing but more troubles. Most of the people didn’t want to have anything in common with them, trying to stay away as possible as they could. Terry Milkovich wasn’t a good guy for sure. Actually, it was pretty hard to say that he was a human at all. He had lost his wife and poorly even tried to look after his kids. It was not a secret that there is something wrong with the whole family but no one knew exactly how much. Except for Ian and Lip Gallagher. They were the first ones who had to spend some time with two of the Milkovich kids – Mickey and Mandy – due to the fact that Lip and Mickey and Mandy and Ian were in the same grade and school. After hanging out a couple of times, the four of them started to see each other more often. And that was how Ian met Mickey. It had passed almost a year since they moved in the neighborhood but Milkovich family had already earned more enemies than friends.  
  
Winters in Chicago were harsh. To spend the night outside your home was a real punishment but it seemed like Mickey and Ian didn’t care. They had spent the past few hours chatting on the phone absolute nonsenses when the raven-haired boy offered to sneak out of their houses and just drive around the neighborhood with the first car Mickey had stolen for his entire life. This wasn’t his thing – sure, he could do it, but he didn’t feel the thrill that went through his veins when he smacked someone’s head, sold drugs or dealing with the other shit his father had told him to. Mickey was trying too hard to impress his old man, following every single order he had been given to. No one wanted to deal with Terry Milkovich’s anger.  
But this particular night, Mickey decided to do something for himself and as long as Terry had fallen asleep on the floor, too drunk to even move , he went for it. Started the engine just like he did it in the morning when he stole it and went to the Gallagher’s house, waiting for Ian to come. He had never done such thing before, maybe because he had never actually had normal friends to hang out with, and everything looked too fucking strange for the dark haired boy. His bright blue eyes were somehow matching his devilish smile and when Ian finally get into the passenger’s seat, his whole face lit up joyfully, his eyebrows rising on his forehead as he was trying to ask _Are you ready, Gallagher._  
“You really did it, huh?” Mickey smiled dumbly and started driving.  
“Why the hell you think it’s my first time sneaking from home, man?!” Ian asked, taking off his winter jacket. He was wearing a worn-out T-shirt matching his grass-green eyes and dark, almost black jeans in which he looked more than uncomfortable now, trying to fit his long body in the place he had.  
“Damn, couldn’t you just steal a fucking van or bus, or something?” he asked through his own laugh  
“Not my fault that you are freaking high, dumbass.” Ian grinned at his friend’s face, trying not to smile with all of his teeth showing up.  
Mickey stopped the car in something like forest and shut the engine down. It was too fucking cold but Ian was still staying with his T-shirt, not showing any signs of freezing.  
“Put your jacket on, we are going for a walk tonight” Mickey said with a serious tone and lift the zipper of his own cloth, up to his chin.  
“Are you out of your mind?! Are we burying someone or something like that?!” Ian asked but still reached for his jacket and tried to put it while he was still sitting uncomfortably curled in his seat.  
“Why the Hell everyone thinks that I’m going to bury someone?!” Mickey murmured mostly to himself and opened his door widely.  
“Cause you look like you are  able to do it, I guess.”  Ian answered and stormed out of the car after his friend. He was looking for something in the trunk too busy to meet Gallagher’s unbelievable look in his eyes. “We’re are having a picnic or what?!” he finally asked, when Mickey pulled an old basket and threw it on the ground.  
“And then what? Lay down and watch for shooting stars?! Come on, Gallagher, get a grip.”  
Mickey’s laugh was something that Ian didn’t hear often but when he did, he felt like the boy is a whole different person. The redhead rolled his eyes and bend over to take the basket.  
“Easy with this, clumsy hands.” Mickey muttered and took a few empty glass bottles and tin cans.  
“The fuck are you doin’ , Mick?”  
“Why you askin’ so many fucking questions?”  Mickey lifted his left eyebrow and gave Ian the best crooked smile he was able to. Yep, in moments like these he looked like a teenager who had no fucking problems.  
The ginger boy didn’t say anything else, not risking to bring Mickey’s mood down again, so he just followed him through the dark forest with a small flashlight in his hand.  
When they finally got in place which looked much more like a witches’ Sabbath than a forest, they stopped. There were only a few cut down trees and big, oval rocks in the middle of the place. It was still too cold so Ian couldn’t help himself from dropping the flashlight on the dry ground, because of his already stiff, from the cold, fingers.  
“Is this the place where you tell me that you have magic powers and you are going to drink my blood to stay forever young?!” Ian asked, collapsing on the ground, not paying attention to the cold which was now even making his way through his butt and waist.  
“Didn’t you have to be a virgin or some shit like that for that purpose?” Mickey shouted while arranging the empty bottles on the surfaces in front of him, trying to balance a tin can on the oval stone. Neither the fact that it was pitch-dark , nor the way Ian was handling the flashlight, helped him much.  
Ian was secretly thanking God that his friend was too busy with arraigning bottles to wait for an answer or actually to pay attention to the fact that the ginger boy was slightly blushing and become unordinary quiet.  
“So, would you give me the honor to share with me what the fuck you are doing?!” Ian’s voice was steady, not showing any emotion but his smirk was telling enough.  
“What do you think, assface?” Mickey asked, bending in front of Ian, just close enough that the ginger boy could feel his cold breath on his own lips. “We are shooting!” there was no way for Gallagher not to see how satisfied Milkovich looked with his idea.  
“Okay, genius, it’s fucking dark in here, how are we supposed to be shooting?!”  
Mickey spread his hand straight in front of Ian, waiting for him to take it and get up. When he finally did it, for the first time this night Ian didn’t feel his fingers absolutely numb.  
“Okay, miss, if you are afraid you can just watch.” He knew that Ian would not just stand there like an idiot, watching him. He knew that the younger boy couldn’t stand to be underestimated.  
“Fuck you, I’ll show you how to do it.”  
Turning his back at Ian, Mickey smiled to himself for his first small victory and reached for the basket, where he had hidden the guns. He opened it and let the Gallagher to choose first.  
The first round Ian shot 3 of 6 bottles. Mickey 5 of 6. They stopped counting after the result was too close and just took the chance to get all the bottles down until they ran out of both bottles and bullets. Damn, it was fun!  
“Mick…” Ian started when they got back on the road for home but then shut his mouth as he had said something he didn’t wanted to.  
“Huh!?” was the only thing Mickey murmured without taking his eyes off the wheel.  
“Nothing.”  
“Oh, come on, man. Wanna say something – say it. “  
There was a silence just for a brief moment and then Ian’s breathing in broke it. Not after a long time he finally spit it, without even looking at his friend’s face.  
“I think I’m gay” he didn’t think that he can handle the reaction of Mickey. He had been considering telling him for some months now but wasn’t sure how he was about to take it. After all, he was a Milkovich and they didn’t exactly welcome the gay community. But Ian knew one thing for sure – he didn’t want to hide from the only person, besides Lip, with who he could talk about everything. He just felt like it wasn’t fair. And if his orientation was about to be a problem – fine, because he really didn’t want such people in his life. He had to tell him – sooner or later. Gallagher had to tell everyone sooner or later, if he had to be honest. Mickey was the first person that knew the truth now.  
“And what? You want a medal or some shit? Some fucking _I’m proud to be gay_ badge?!”  
Mickey finally said after he almost bumped into a tree while driving. It was a huge surprise to  him and he just could react other way. But when he turned his head at Ian, facing his scared look, his whole face pale and bloodless, his crooked smile shown up, giving Gallagher the best possible reaction he could get from him. To Ian – it meant the world.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it seems like I'm going to be late for the University tomorrow but I just couldn't stop writing...
> 
> /I am sorry for the mistakes - I'm sure that there are plenty but I'm still getting used to writing in English. I also hate rereading my works... :D  
> Any comments, recommendations and critics are welcome!
> 
> And... I hope you guys enjoy it :3


	3. Crazy in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's 2015. Mickey and his new boyfriend are celebrating their 3rd year anniversary. And then Mick receives the biggest surprise he could ever imagine from Jayden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first time trying to write smut in English. I hope it is not that bad <3  
> Enjoy :3

I look and stare so deep in your eyes,  
I touch on you more and more every time,  
When you leave I'm begging you not to go,  
Call your name two or three times in a row,  
Such a funny thing for me to try to explain,  
How I'm feeling and my pride is the one to blame.  
'Cuz I know I don't understand,  
Just how your love can do what no one else can.  
(Beyonce – Crazy in love)

 

2015,4th of August, New York

A hot, sweaty hand went south from his stomach, slightly touching the skin beneath, making the still sleeping boy, to shiver in his dream. With a light smile on his face, he was starting to awake, making his way through the other man’s hand, playfully slapping him on the fingers, which were now caressing his shaft through the boxers.  
“Look who’s up” the other man said, still not moving his hand from his boyfriend’s dick. His lips parted in a bright smile and with a fast motion he locked them on the sleepy’s boy neck.  
“I assume you’re talking ‘bout the big guy down there, ‘cause this one isn’t up for sure.” The dark haired boy muttered almost without opening his dry, from the sleep, lips and smiled softly.  
“You haven’t eaten your funny breakfast yet and you are already showing me your humor, huh?”  
Jayden was a 26 years old man, who definitely knew what he wanted from life and how to get it. He was tall and handsome, there was no doubt. He had a short, dark blonde curly hair which made him look like he was still a teenager. His eyes – deep and brown and always wet-like, were surrounded by thick, dark lashes that made him look like a doll. And Jayden was everything that Mickey Milkovich thought would never fall for… But he did, and God, he fell for him so hard that even wasn’t sure if it is for real or not.  
“Come on, Jay, let me sleep. We can finish this later.” Murmured Mickey, still half-asleep, not ready to say goodbye to the sweet world of dreams, he was in a few minutes before.  
“Nope.” Was everything that Jayden said before giving a wet peck on his boyfriend’s cheek. “Come on, babe, I want to start our 3rd anniversary good” his words sounded like his breathing – deep and husky, while he had buried his nose in Mickey’s chest, kissing him slowly.  
“If it is only good, there’s no point for waking me up, you can do it by yourself” the dark haired boy smiled widely, still pressing his head at the pillow.  
His upcoming laughter was cancelled in the moment when Jayden’s lips went through the soft material of his boxers, making Mickey shiver from the warmth and wetness of his boyfriend’s lips. Kneeling on the bed, Jay slowly stripped him, his hands moving teasingly on the inner side of Mick’s thighs. And right before touching his already hard cock he stopped, forcing Mickey to look at him with eyes full of disappointment.  
“I guess I should stop that and continue doing “good” by myself, right?!” But he had no answer. Mickey jumped on the bed, wide-awake, his hands still stiff from the sleep find the way to his boyfriend’s chest under his worn-out T-shirt, trying to undress him as fast as he could.  
Jayden had a lovely body which Mick could stare all day long. He was thin but still muscled enough so that Mickey could feel the relief structure under his fingers. And this exactly what he was doing right now – feeling him, feeling his warmth and blood, pulsating through his veins, his heart beating so fast as it was about to jump off his chest.  
Mickey kneeled in front of him, throwing the T-shirt away, finally happy not to have anything that could keep him away from his man. His hard on was pressing to Jay’s stomach, making him breath even harder in Milkovich’s ear, was now begging for a relief. But it was just the beginning of their story and Mickey wouldn’t get it that easily.  
“Take that stupid thing off” Mickey whispered in Jay’s mouth, his shaky hand trying to take off the blonde boy’s underwear not really able to do anything more than just moving around it. He felt like he was about to fall apart in pieces in seconds. He was melting in Jayden’s hands like ice, his eyes shut and his jaw clenched.  
“What’s the rush for, babe, couldn’t you hold on for a little bit more time?” Jay was truly laughing now, his body vibrating, still pressed to Mickey’s. He could feel his own erection, making its way through his underwear, ready to be set free.  
“Does it seem to you that I want to hold on a little bit longer, huh?” Mickey’s tongue licked a straight stripe next to his boyfriend’s earlobe, making him gasp loudly while his hands were finding their way to Jay’s little, tight ass.

Second after that Jayden is pinned to the mattress, biting his lips, ready for Mickey to get in him. He groaned again and again, while Milkovich is sliding two, slicked with lube, fingers deep inside him, preparing him for the upcoming events.  
“Okay, babe, I’m ready, just…just… Get in me, okay?” finally he said, moaning so loudly as he was sure that no neighbor would stay asleep after their performances.  
“Hm…” a mixture of relief and annoyance is written on Jay’s face in the second when Mick pulled his fingers away, opening a condom with his teeth and putting it in a rush on his hard cock.  
And without any warnings Mickey pushed in him, feeling his whole body numb for a second, while leaving both of them time to adjust. He could feel his body burning right now, his eyes dry and needy, full of desire, his head spinning like a wheel. It was like a parade. Well… a parade for his dick but it was still something.  
Mickey started pounding in him gently and slow, his left hand put on Jay’s ass cheek, slightly squeezing it every time he went deeper and deeper in him. His other hand sluggishly caressing his lower back , tracing imaginary lines. They groaned in unison when Mickey hit his sweet spot and he tilt his head back, biting his lower lip while fastening just a little bit more.  
“Yeah… Hell… Yeah, Mick, fuck.” was the only sentence that Jay was able to say in the moment, losing his mind. He groaned and groaned, stroking himself  in sync with Mickey's movements. “I’m so close, babe… “  
“Yeah, me too.” Mickey lied as almost every time they had sex just because he didn’t feel good enough being a top but hey… No Milkovich could be a bottom…EVER. So he had just to deal with this fact and the fact that the man that he was in love with hated being a top. So – no choice for Mickey here.  
Jayden’s movements became more erratic, his feet stiff and stretched. As he was digging holes in the mattress with his fingers, Jay was squeezing the sheets beneath him. He felt like he was about to lose not only control but balance, so he fastened his other hand on the sheets, leaving his cock neglected, pre-cum leaking everywhere. And like that, with one more thrust, he was cumming hard with the loudest grunt Mick had ever heard. Leaving his partner to get some air, Milkovich slowed a bit, his own heart pounding in his chests, ready to shoot. Damn, he didn’t expect that he would be ready to come a few seconds later only by recalling the memories of his boyfriend’s noises. A few thrusts later, Mickey came inside of him and they both crashed breathless on the bed.  
  
“I have a surprise for you tonight.” Jayden said breathlessly when he was able to speak again. He cuddled into Mickey’s arms and looked up at his calm face just in the right moment to see his boyfriend slowly opening his eyes for him.  
“Ughm?” Mick murmured, drawing unknown figures on Jay’s back as he was trying to sooth him. “Other than the fact that you’ve just came untouched?”  
Jayden smiled stupidly, playfully hitting him on the hip and buried his face in the still shaking chests of the Milkovich boy, trying to hide his face blushing.  
“That was a surprise for me, too.”  
“Yeah?! Well, you made my day, man, so no need for more surprises, you know?!”  
“You’d like this one, promise.”  
Mickey kissed the forehead of his partner, his lips still stretched in a grin and closed his eyes. He woke up a few hours later, around 10 a.m., realizing he is all alone in the giant, cold bed.  


\---

It was about eleven p.m. when Mickey finally made it home. He thought that he could spend more time with Jay since it was their anniversary but the work around the fucking club was too much. Normally, he didn’t deal with paychecks and hiring staff but, of course, he had to take Jayden’s part today since he had more important job. What was it? Well… Mickey was looking forward to understand it too. Maybe that was why he came home irritated, throwing his clothes in a straight line on the floor which led to the bathroom.  
God, how much he hated dealing with the whole club story. It was Jay’s place, he just had an equal part in it – part he didn’t like. He mostly dealt with the violent customers and the ordering part but tonight he had to deal with the staff, dealing with problems he actually didn’t care about. But Jay loved this place so Mickey had to do best of him to maintain it while his partner wasn’t there.  
“Babe, is that you” Mickey heard a voice from the bedroom just when he turned on the hot water in the shower. He just wanted to lay on the floor and die but was sure that his boyfriend had something else in mind, so he just had to get together, put a happy face and pretend that he didn’t hate the job and _The Mansion_ as whole.  
“Yeah, I’ll just take a fast shower and I’m coming” Mick shouted through the streaming water, feeling his mouth filling with a mixture of shampoo and water.  
“You better be. I have a surprise for you. Hurry, babe.”  
Rolling his eyes, Milkovich put a decent amount of shampoo in his hand, spreading it all over his wet hair again without paying attention to the fact that the foam is all over his face. He hated being called “babe” although Jay made it sound cute. After 3 fucking years he still hated it as much as in the beginning. Well, perhaps it was better than hating it more, right?!

\---

Mickey turned off the water and took a towel to dry his body. He went his fingers through his hair, combing it backwards and looked at the reflection in the steamy mirror. He thought about drawing a heart but it looked too girlish for him, so he just used his finger to draw a tilted to the left dick which looked more like a funny hat.  
Making his way to the bedroom, Mick thought about the surprise Jayden had mentioned. He hoped that it was not something that will require too many efforts, because the only thing the dark haired boy wanted right now was to pass out on the bed and not to wake up in the next few years. How did Jayden deal with the things Mickey did today every single day since they bought the fucking club?!  
He opened the door and saw Jay sitting half-naked on the bed. Nice – at least there was some sex involved. He was wearing a dark blue tie which looked more than fucking insane on the background of his tanned body and the fact he wasn’t wearing a shirt or some other official shit.  
The light was turned off and the only thing that lighten up the room were a dozen candles, put around their photo of the first Christmas they had spent together.    
“Welcome home, babe”  
Jayden said jumping off the bed, blocking the way for Mickey to enter the room. He bent a little bit and gently pressed a kiss on Mick’s wet lips, wrapping his arms around the boy’s neck.  
“Hello to you, too. Why didn’t ya tell me to put my official shoes at least, I can see you’re pretty dandified.”  
“You’re the only person that can make this word sound _that_ gay, you know?” Jay laughed and turned his head around, narrowing his eyes and eyebrows as he was looking for something. “Ready for your surprise?” Mickey nodded slowly not really sure if he was ready for anything. “Happy 3rd anniversary, babe!” he almost shouted.  
And nothing happened. Mickey just stood at the door, with a towel wrapped around his waist, looking like a complete idiot, staring at his boyfriend whose hands were wide opened as he was waiting for a hug.  
And then he felt it. Someone’s hands going through his still wet skin, touching his stomach gently. He felt someone’s hard body pressing to him from behind – Damn! He felt every single part of that guy’s body, rubbing to his exposed skin. _He must be a fucking giant or something_ was everything that Mickey thought when he almost jumped to his boyfriend, trying to get away from everything that was happening. To Mick, everything looked like he was standing there for an hour but there weren’t more than a few seconds until the dark haired boy realized what was happening.  
“Da fuq, you doin’ man?” he almost shouted and turned his face so that he can see who was standing behind him a few seconds before. His eyes went up the man’s fucking awesome body which was now just millimeters away from him, ready to meet his face.  
“Surprise! This is your present, babe!” Mickey thought that he heard his partner clapping with his hands behind him but couldn’t react.  
His whole body went still when his eyes faced a green-wet-puppy look filled with surprise and shock. For a moment Mickey thought he was dreaming. He dig his fingers in the inner part of his hand, feeling his nails to the skin. He couldn’t even feel pain right now. The only thing that he was feeling was the need to close his eyes and faint.  
Mickey couldn’t realize how fast his heart was beating right now, not until he felt Jayden’s hands around his waist, his chin on his shoulder and his lips near his ear whispering _Didn’t you like him?! I wasn’t sure because… He’s ginger, you know._  
Mickey couldn’t even nod. He was just staying there completely helpless, confused and shocked. _It’s just a dream, it’s just a fucking-fucking dream,_ he couldn’t stop saying to himself while staring at the pale stone-like face. Maybe the guy just looked like him. Hell, they haven’t seen each other 5 years, _he_ must have changed a lot. This was just his imagination playing games with him.  
“Well, if that’s not Mickey Milkovich, I’d be damned…”  
And then he saw the crooked smile which was now curving on his face. It gave place to even brighter smile, followed by a low, husky laughter. The way the man lifted his eyebrows forming a **_fucking_** rainbow-like form and the way he bit his lower lip on the left corner of it, made Mickey’s heart stop. And just like that the man's face went stone-like again, not even a trace of a smile. They stood like this – staring, with no more words to hang between them.  
**_IAN F-U-C-K-I-N-G GALLAGHER!_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the coments and kudos - it really means A LOT to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I hope you like it so far. 
> 
> There is more Mickey- Jayden- Ian things comming.
> 
> More information so that it doesn't seem that confusing. Jay doesn't know who Ian is, he just want to surprise Mickey. The whole threesome thing is due to misunderstanding conversaiton between Jay and Mick, that made Jayden take this decision. More about the story in the next chapter.


	4. Misunderstanding Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for explanation. The three of them - Mickey, Ian and Jayden, want to know what exactly is happening and they all have something to say to each other. Well... there isn't exactly a happy ending for all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that I answered most of your questions - of course there are more things that need to be explained but everything will come to place with developing the story. Hope you like it :3
> 
> / I use italics for the thoughts and bold for the conversation :)

I know I don't make things that easy,  
Complication is my middle name,  
It's not that easy for me,  
I'm so afraid,  
Can I say sorry?  
For everything that comes along with me?  
With all the disappointments,  
I promise there is something worth keeping.

(Divit – Misunderstanding Maybe)

2015, 4th of August

Complications are part of our lives – they come and go but never stop. This was something that Mickey should have learned by now. For a brief moment, the Milkovich boy thought that he could have a normal life – like everyone else did. He could go to work he hated, he could have his own place, a lovely and caring boyfriend with whom he could spend every holiday, he thought that he could feel like a real person for once without the need of hiding. Not that he was planning to get out of the closet ever but it was good that he didn’t had to pretend in front of a small group of people who knew about him – or at least knew some things about him.  
And here he was now – after a couple of years without real complications, without any reminders of who he was in the past, without anything that would connect him to his life in Chicago, he met the only person that could make him feel like a true liar, bringing the worst and best memories of his past. Staying between the two men he had ever left to know him deeper, he felt as the Faith was playing some pretty fucked up game with him, making him look at his past and future.  
For at least once, Mickey Milkovich didn’t know what to say or do. So he was just staying in the middle of the two confused men, still wearing only his towel wrapped around his waist, with hands stiffly put in front of his chest like he didn’t know what to do with them.  
**“Is this some kind of a joke?”** he could finally say, staring at his boyfriend’s eyes. There was definitely anger in his voice but there was something else, too. His eye balls were shaking between Jayden and Ian, their colour constantly changing from bright, glamorous to ice-cold blue. Was this regret? Sorrow? Angst? Anger? Maybe it was all these things.  
**“Will someone here at least explain to me what’s happening right now”** Jayden said helplessly, raising his hands in the air in confusion. He had no idea what he had just done but by the look at Mickey’s face he knew that it wasn’t a pleasant surprise for him as Jay had planned. Damn! What went wrong?!  
**“Yeah, Mick, explain to the attractive young man here what’s going on?”** Ian said mockingly, raising one of his eyebrows. He took a step back, not really wanting to be that close to neither of them right now.  
**“Why the fuck you think I am the one who has to explain something!?”** Mickey almost screamed, pushing his boyfriend in order to enter the room and sat on the bed. On his way, he finally lit up the light in the room, taking off all the magic appealing in the room. He blew the candles and screamed _Fuck_ stretching himself, trying to make the numb feeling in his body to go away. How, the Hell, did that happened!?  
**“You think I am attractive?!”** Jay interrupt Mickey’s monologue, which by now was nothing but a line of swears of all kind, coming from his boyfriend’s mouth.  
**“Yeah, you kinda are – with those big puppy eyes and kissable lips, look like a model, man.“** Ian answered simply, as he was trying to ignore that there were more important things happening there. They both smiled to each other, completely forgetting the whole story for a second until Mickey’s voice interrupted their little polite game.  
**“Could we get back on the topic, please?!”**  Mickey was sure that he had just saw Jayden’s mouth curving in order to say “ _Oh, thanks”_ , cause let’s face it – he knew what he’s about to do in almost every single moment. “ **Where do you know Ian, Jay?”**  
“Who, the hell, is Ian?!” now the confusion was written on the blonde’s boy face. He turned on his heel, coming close to Mickey, trying to understand what he was talking about. This truly didn’t end as planned. Maybe he had to order dinner – Chinese, Italian – not a fucking prostitute.  
Mickey raised his eyebrows like he was trying to ask _Really, you seriously askin’ me that_ but instead leaving his boyfriend wondering around he simply pointed with his index finger, while making the towel cover his whole hips – the only thing they need right now was Mick’s private parts hanging in front of their faces.  
“ **Curtis, you mean!?”**  
“WHO THE HELL IS CURTIS?!”  
Okay, Mickey seriously needed to punch something right now. He literally felt his whole hands itchy, his fists clinging to the mattress – like this was about to stop him to do something silly as hitting them both in the faces and dealing with the whole problem the only way he could. But no, he was different now, so trying to get back the calm tone in his voice, he cleared his trout ready to speak normally. But was interrupted.  
“ **He is Curtis, what’s wrong with you, man? You know him?!”** – Completely stunned Jay asked, moving his eyes from Ian to Mickey.  
“ **His name’s Ian and, yeah, I kinda know him”**  
It was a fucked up situation, that was what it was. Even in a million years, Mickey couldn’t  imagine meeting Ian again. He had closed that page many years ago and now he was staying in his corridor or bedroom or wherever he exactly was – cause Mickey wasn’t sure that if he lift his eyes up off his knees, he would be able to bear Ian’s expression or Jay’s, as a matter of fact. That was why he was just standing with hands curled in fists on the bed, eyes pinned on the floor and head so low that if he could take it lower he would probably hit the ground beneath him – which, by the way, didn’t seem as a bad decision now.  
“ **It’s time for me to go. You two are too fucked up and you both have a lot of explaining to do.”** Ian said, trying to calm his own breath and body, which was now shivering every time he looked at the both men.  He turned on his heels, heading to the guest bedroom to collect his normal clothes.  He needed fresh air, he needed to get out of the Goddamn house as soon as possible, he felt like losing his mind again and needed time - a lot of time for realizing what had just happened.  
**“Wait… Ian…”** Mickey said finally ready to meet Ian’s face and jumped off the bed heading to the two figures in front of him, securing his towel with both of his hands.  
He wasn’t sure if he wasn’t dreaming right now. This looked too unreal to be true. Did coincidences like these happen to people? Probably not but after all, he was a Milkovich, he had to expect a lot more punches from the Faith – perhaps he just got used to the idea of having a normal life and relationship and took off the guard a little.  
“ **No, Mickey, fuck you. I told you this five years ago and I am telling it again. FUCK YOU. You left – didn’t call, didn’t write, I had no fucking idea if you were alive at all so let’s leave things like that, okay?! I really, really don’t need you in my life right now. No, let me correct myself, not right now. I do not need you. Never – ever again, Mickey, so don’t tell me to wait.”** Ian shoot the words in one breath. He had always imagined that if he meet Mickey again he’d tell him so many things, he had even practiced a little speech in front of the mirror, speech that was now lost somewhere between the anger and confusion of actually seeing him around.  
Gallagher stormed out the place as fast as he could. He didn’t even bother to put on his clothes, just called a cab and ran outside the house before the two men , who he left in the bedroom, could even blink. He needed a drink, Gosh, he needed a few and he needed them really bad. And really fast!  


“ **Would  you at least tell me what was this about?!”** Jay asked. He sat on the end of the bed with his feet crossed and  his hands spread in the air as he was stretching himself for a morning run. Mickey had stayed silent since Gallagher went out of the house. He stared at a non-existing spot on the wall not moving his eyes an inch.  
**“His name is Ian. Ian Gallagher. He is part of my past…”** Mickey stuttered on the words like he couldn’t believe himself he was saying that and then went silent again.  
**“Seriously, that’s everything you’re gonna say to me?! Jesus, Mickey, I can’t read your minds!”** Jayden moved closer to his boyfriend just to feel how his whole body is shivering like he’s freezing to death. His eyes were blurred and dark, his whole face looked like someone had just took the life off him and everything that was staying in front of Jay was only a shell. The blonde boy had never seen him like that, he had never seen his eyes like this – as there was no soul inside of him anymore. A whole different person.  
**“He is my best friend, okay?!”** Mickey stopped for a second, shaking his head nervously. A short laugh came from his mouth – painful and full of regrets. **“I meant… He was. He was my best friend. We grew up together. His brother and my sister…”**  
“You have a sister?!” Jay almost screamed, staying next to Mickey he looked at him with mouth wide open. For three years he had never heard that his boyfriend had a sister… Or a family at all.  
**“Yeah, and brothers. Only God knows how many but I know some of them, tho. “** Jayden looked completely shocked. **“So… his brother and my sister were dating by that time or are still dating, dunno. We started to hang out often. And Ian became the only person that I trusted. He knew about me… He knew me, the real me.”** Mickey bit his lower lip, trying to prevent his tears from falling. He didn’t want to talk about this – too many memories he didn’t want to remember ever again. And now he had to tell his boyfriend he had lied to him for so many years… Or.. Did he?!  
**“So… what happened next?! Why is he so mad at you?”**  
“’Cause I left him all alone, I guess. ‘Cause I got him in the middle of the night to tell him I’m leaving for good.”  
And here was the silence again. There were too many questions that had to be asked but no one of them knew how and from where to start. They had to deal with this sooner or later but Mickey, for sure, didn’t feel like he wanted to do it right now. His emotions were too many and he felt more than exhausted.  
“ **Will you at least tell me what was Ian doin’ here? I mean, how you know him?!”** Mickey shrugged and felt like this was the easiest question he could ask the moment.  
“ **Well… I hired him a few weeks before.”**  
“What do you mean you “hire” him!? For the club, or… ?”  
Jay went his hand through his hair and face wondering how exactly is going to explain this big misunderstanding to his boyfriend.  
**“You remember that night when you were talking about a little bit more fun? Changing the things, experimenting and so….”**  
Mickey’s eyes widen in surprise. Of course he remembered that night. They were both lying in the bed after sex, both sweaty and breathless; both on the age of falling asleep even without cleaning the whole mess. Mickey wasn’t sure if it is was because of the alcohol earlier in the night or the fact that he was completely relaxed and half-asleep but he had turned his face to Jayden, with a lazy smile on his face and had asked him if he wanted to change the things a little bit. But for sure he didn’t mean involving third person or even a couple or something like that. He knew why Jayden would think Mickey would like to try a threesome – they had watched a documentary on different sex preferences and fetishes and had mentioned that he’d really enjoy a threesome sometime but he said ironically, of course. Mickey could never think that Jay would take it seriously – so seriously that he’d hire a prostitute to try – and be ready for something like this. Milkovich never share, that was something that the dark haired boy thought had mentioned before to Jay.  
“ **You thought that I want a threesome or something?!”** Mickey almost shouted when he realized the whole story behind the drama right now. “ **You fucking thought that, don’t you?”**  
“Well, yeah, since you’ve mentioned it before. I decided to give it a try because I thought you’d be happy and I wanted to make you happy. So I searched online for recommendations for elite escorts and came up bookin’ a meating with Curtis… Ian… Whatever his name is.”  
And BOOM! Another hit over Mickey’s thoughts. Ian was a prostitute. Not that he didn’t know it from the beginning but he had the time to realize it just now. How the hell did he become a prostitute?! And why?!  
“ **Oh, God…”** Okay… He was ready to cry now. He sighed in his palms slowly and then put his head between his legs, suddenly feeling nauseous. **“ No… Jay, no… I meant… I wanted too.. Switch the roles, you know? You… being a top for a while? That was all I thought. Why the hell would you think that I’d like to share you with someone else?!”**  
Jayden didn’t know if he felt relieved or more confused. Mickey had never shown any sings of feeling uncomfortable being a top. Right from the beginning, when they were still dating, Mickey said that he loves to take things in his control. He never said a thing about his desires unless that night… And Jay got it all wrong.  
**“I don’t know, you have never said that you want to be a bottom or something…”**  
Mickey didn’t answer. He just lyied on his back and put his hands under his head, his eyes shut. Like always, when he was nervous, he was biting his lips until he tasted the salt taste of it in his mouth.    
**“So, what are you going to do now?! Are going to call him?! Talk to him?”** Jay asked, taking his position to Mickey on his side of the bed. He took a pillow and hugged like a stuffed animal, leaving it beneath him and went his hand through Mickey’s hair. He loved the way it felt when it was wrapped around his fingers – so soft and elastic.  
“ **I don’t know. I should but he wouldn’t listen to me… And I am not sure if I have anything to say to him. We will see, I need to sleep now it was too many emotions for an hour I can handle.”**  
“ **Okay, babe. Take a rest, we will talk tomorrow.”**  
Jay moved a little bit so that he could give Mick a gentle kiss on his lips and put his hands around his shoulders. He continued giving him small kisses on the arm, neck and behind the years until he thought Mickey was fully asleep. The truth was that Milkovich didn’t get any sleep that night, neither did Ian.  
The ginger boy was staying in his motel room, staring at the ceiling as it was about to spoke to him in every moment, drinking glasses of whiskey like shots, trying to come to some kind of a conclusion why he had to meet Mickey now. His life was more than mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!  
> I've been writing this for two days and I'm pretty sick with a flue and a massive headache right now. My head is a mess and so is the story. I hope that you find some answeres in this chapter. A lot more things are comming and since I am a Drama Queen... you can expect a lot more drama. :D
> 
> Thankkk you for the comments, kudos and everything. You guys make me really, really happy! <3 <3 <3


	5. Prayer in C

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“I need to talk to you, Ian, I paid for you” he pointed out, biting his lips. There was no need for Mickey to say that he didn’t enjoy what Ian was doing, the ginger boy could see it by himself. “So you would just have to talk to me. You know what… No, you do not have to talk but you have to listen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... Hope you enjoy it :3

_Ya, you never said a word_  
_You didn't send me no letter_  
_Don't think I could forgive you_  
_See, our world is slowly dying_  
_I'm not wasting no more time_  
_Don't think I could believe you_  
_(Lilly Wood and The Prick - Prayer in C)_

 

** 2015, 5th of August **

  
“Can you, please, stop doing that?”  
Ian moved his head slowly as he was trying to realize from where the voice was coming. Hetook a deep hit from the cigarette like he was trying to save some time before answering. His movements were slow and he felt his whole body floating just as his mind was doing right now. He felt high even without smoking pot – something he hadn’t done for years now and something he really needed right now. Yeah, maybe smoking pot was the only thing he needed right now.  
**“Stop doing what?”** he finally asked with a mouth full of smoke. He loved the feeling inside his body when his lungs got full of it. He loved everything about it – the sore feeling down his trout, the way his lungs tightened, the light feeling in his head which made him dizzy for a second, even the taste of it. Yeah, it had a lot in common with his idea of life – it may be bitter but after some time you just stop paying attention to it and start enjoying, even if it is something that might kill you or something others don’t like, you just love it – no matter what happens – that’s just _your_ thing and no one can change it.  
**“Acting like you are in a fucking movie or something…”** the young woman said, taking what was left from the cigarette and throwing it on the stairs. Interrupting Ian’s disagreement with her actions, she continued **“Yeah, the whole thing with the dreamy look, while you are taking a hit from the cigarette, staring at nothing particular, with your mouth half open, leaving the smoke to exit your mouth like you are not breathing, it’s fucking annoying.”**  
“I don’t do that” he protested, raising his eyebrows, moving his eyes from her face.  
Fiona was a good girl. He knew that, he knew it from the moment when she stopped living her life in order to do what’s best for the family. Of course, she made some mistakes, but after all she was a person too, a person who did his best at raising five kids on her own when she was still one. So Ian couldn’t blame her that she was trying to understand what was going on with him right now. But the truth was that she was the last thing he needed to deal with now. The ginger boy didn’t feel like talking at all but he was sure that Fi wouldn’t leave him alone without asking questions. After all, he was the one who came back home after three years of not even wanting to step inside the house. And now he was there, sitting on the back stairs, smoking and non-talking. Of course she would like some answers.  
**“So, will you finally tell me what’s going on or I will have to start asking questions again and pray that I’d just guess it somehow.”** And since Ian was still staying silent, watching as far away as he could from her, she just started **“Something at work? You got into a fight with your pimp or…”**  
**“You know I do not have a pimp, Fi…”** Ian answered with a shy smile on his face. He still couldn’t believe he had told her about his job. It wasn’t something that he wanted to do but after moving out he had to give his best at finding something he’d enjoy or at least… something that would pay him enough to save money and be able to pay his rent. It wasn’t the dream job but it was something he was good at. Ian enjoyed the sex and enjoyed the money for sure. The best part was that he was his own boss, he decided which clients to take, he maintained his web site and… he didn’t have to involve other people. And besides everyone’s concerns about what he was doing, Ian kinda liked it. He loved being Curtis, he loved learning people’s deepest, darkest secrets without the need to tell them his own. He could be anyone he wanted and forget about the real world for some time.  
**“You didn’t get some girl pregnant, did you?**  
“Come on, Fi, are you trying to make a joke or..” Ian said and tried to keep his face cool but in the end he just smiled.  
**“Since you smiled, I guess I was joking.”** He always loved her smile. She made everything look easier. She was that type of the girl to who you can talk without caring what you’d actually say. She was always there, she wasn’t wearing a mask and pretending to be someone who she was not. Fiona was amazing and nothing could change for Ian. **“But, seriously, what happened?”**  
“I met someone… I didn’t want to meet and now I just can’t stop thinking about what happened… I guess that you can’t just run away from the past, right?” he simply said not wanting to tell the whole story. Yes, he came out to his family but they didn’t know everything about him and Mickey. Nobody knew. Yes, they seemed like friends but no one knew how close they were and Ian preferred to keep it that way, even if five years had passed.  
“You won’t tell me more, will you? Was it someone I know? Was it someone you loved or dated or…”  
The ginger boy just nodded and changed the topic. Right now he needed to get away from his life and everything that had happened to him the past few months and just talk about random stuff like weather, his family or how Fiona and Jimmy-Steve-Jack-Whateverhisnameturnedouttobe ‘s relationship was.

~~~

The clock on Ian’s night counter showed 22:30 which meant that he had only 30 minutes to get ready for his first appointment for the night. He might have escaped from his current daily routine for a while but he had to go back to the real world as long as he went home. Or his motel room.  
He had received a few mails from clients-to-be and after some brief research he decided to take four of them tonight. Which meant that he wouldn’t get enough sleep but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing – at least he would not have to think too much before falling asleep.  
Ian made his routine – shower, razor, body lotion, clothes, perfume and sat on the couch. He let himself do something that he had forbidden himself – the ginger boy poured a glass full of red wine and drank it almost immediately. Ian was professional at everything he do and he just couldn’t allow himself drinking before work but tonight… Well… He needed it more than ever.  
The doorbell rang twice before Ian could go and open it. He threw a fast glance through the peephole just to see that a well-built man was standing there, turning his back at the door – some of his clients preferred not to show their faces to him until they had stepped inside and to Ian that was really weird. But, hey, he wasn’t the one who can judge.  
To his surprise, the man who was standing in front of him, was the last man on Earth he wanted to see.  
**“Hey”**  
Ian tried to shut the door at Mickey’s face as soon as he saw the bright blue eyes staring nervously at his face. But Mick was faster and he put his hand on it, pushing it back ready to let himself in.  
**“The fuck are you doin’ here? I don’t want to talk to you, I thought I was clear when I said that I do not want to see you again”**  
“We need to talk” was everything that Mickey said, pushing Ian aside, entering the small but cozy motel room. He threw a fast look at it and then locked his eyes at his ex-bestfriend’s.  
**“No... You need to talk and I don’t want to listen. I’d ask you to go.”**  
**“No.”**  
**“There’s no “no”. Go the fuck outta here.”**  
Ian put his hand on Mickey’s chest, trying to push him out the room. But instead, Mick just closed the door behind him and leaned on it as it was the most normal thing he could do.  
**“I need to talk to you, Ian, I paid for you”** he pointed out, biting his lips. There was no need for Mickey to say that he didn’t enjoy what Ian was doing, the ginger boy could see it by himself. **“So you would just have to talk to me. You know what… No, you do not have to talk but you have to listen.”**  
**“Don’t worry, you’d get a full refund of your money as soon as you go back home, just leave, please…”**  
**“I won’t leave this room until you hear what I wanna tell you. As soon as you let me, as soon I’d be out, ‘kay?”**  
Ian rolled his eyes and let Mickey in. He pointed the sofa with his middle finger and while Mick was taking his place, the other boy went to take his black robe – after all he didn’t want to talk half-naked only wearing a short silver shorts and a baggy tank top.  
**“How did you even find me?”** Ian asked, pouring himself another glass of wine. Gosh, he needed something that contained more alcohol than this. **“I’d normally ask if you want something to drink but I do not really want you here, so…”** he forced himself to smile ironically and took a deep gulp from the glass.  
**“Fine, whatever…”** Mickey spurted and tried to find more comfortable position from which he didn’t have to see what’s under Ian’s robe. It seemed that there’s no such. **“Can you… just… tighten the belt of that thing or… put some pants, I don’t know… I can’t focus like this.”**  
“You paid for sex, how did you assume I’ll look like?!”  
And here they were… After five years of not talking to each other, they were sitting in Ian’s something like living room, looking at each other as they were just strangers that had met on the street. It was so weird how things change through the time. They were nervous, shaky and inpatient.  
**“Let’s forget for a moment that I paid for you and… Let me talk, ’kay?”** Ian rolled his eyes but finally nodded and took the glass in his hands. **“I asked Jay how I can find you. He told me about your website and I decided that the best way to contact you is through it. I was sure that you wouldn’t be that happy to see my face again so I did the best I could… And I am here.”**  
**“Fine… You played me, you are here… I guess it is about time to tell me why exactly.”**  
**“Look… I know that we didn’t finish as we had to. I know that I didn’t have to tell you in the last minute I am leaving but I didn’t have much of a choice, you know”** Ian made a puffing noise but as he promised he didn’t say a thing. Most of the time he was trying to persuade himself that he didn’t want to talk or listen, that he didn’t care but he did… He still cared. **“You were my bestfriend, man, I know I could tell you everything but I just couldn’t tell you what exactly happened. I wanted but it was for your good too. Don’t think that I didn’t care about you or some shit like that. I talked with Mandy for some time but then … I had to stop communicating with her too so I just lost every connection with my previous life.”**  
**“Is this everything because I should really get ready for the next client.” Ian said and got up from the chair he was sitting.**

As he was copying his movements Mickey did the same thing and reached for Ian’s hand. This action made both of them freeze on their places. It was like a throwback at the time and made both of them shiver for a second. Mick bit his lower lip and moved slowly his eyes to Ian’s ice-cold face expression. Damn, when he became that good in hiding his emotions? Back at the time he knew what every single movement of his face meant and now… Now it was like a different person was standing in front of him. Maybe he was different. The black haired boy had no idea what have happened to him and something inside him was telling him that Ian wouldn’t let him find out. He didn’t want to have anything in common with him. And Mickey understood that. Maybe if he was in Ian’s shoes, he would feel the same way. Actually, he would have punched him in the face if he was on his place.  
**“I am sorry, okay? I am. I never wanted to lose you, you were the most important part of my life. God, you were the only thing that kept me from falling apart, you know? You and nothing else. Believe me it wasn’t that easy to just leave and start over. To leave without you. You were the only person I trusted with my life and if there’s something I’d regret my whole life, that’s the fact that I had to lose you.”**  
Mickey stepped back, leaving Ian’s wrist free of his touch. He felt like something was taken away from him and this time it was Ian’s warmth. He shoke his head, not believing that he’s actually apologizing to someone and move forward, ready to leave.  
**“I know that you don’t want to see me, I’m not that stupid. I… Just wanted to tell you that I didn’t forget you or some stupid shit like this…”**  
**“Why, Mick? Why… Why the hell are you doing this?! You didn’t call, you didn’t write, nothing and now you are coming here, acting like it was a life and death decision you had to make and… I don’t know what you want but I can tell you – I want you to stay away.”**  
**“If that’s what you want, okay, I guess I deserved it.”** Mickey put his hand on the door, ready to open it and took a deep breath. Without even thinking he did the last thing he ever thought he will and turned on his heels. He took a few steps to Ian, blinded by emotions and mostly anger, he did something he never thought he had the strength for.  
Mickey put his hand around Ian’s neck and bit his lips nervously. Everything felt on slow motion to both of them. Ian, taken by surprise, couldn’t do anything than just stand there like a tree, not ready to move, speak or do anything at all. For a heartbeat, Mickey’s lips were touching Ian’s slowly, making his whole body shivering from mixed emotions. He put his other hand, as he wanted to make sure that the ginger boy wouldn’t get away from his grip and continued kissing him gently. His body was pressing against Ian’s, feeling every inch of him as they were glued to each other. His blood was boiling, running unstoppably fast through his veins. He wasn’t sure if it was Ian’s pulse that he was feeling right now. Everything around him was pulsating. For a moment everything looked so bright and clear, so normal and unreal that he had to stop just for a brief second, to take a breath.  
Ian’s hands found their way to Mickey’s jaw, cupping his face. He gave everything he could in this kiss, letting the other boy’s tongue inside his mouth, letting himself to forget what have happened before and what was happening right now.  
**“Fuck…** ” Mickey said with widely opened eyes. And… he was back to the reality now. **”I’ve wanted to this for so long, Gallagher. I guess that page is finally finished.”** He stepped back, trying to normalize his breathing. Milkovich had no idea why he did it but he fucking loved it. So soft, warm and still full of passion. And then he just turned his back to Ian, who was completely speechless, trying to get himself together. But he couldn’t he just stood there, absolutely numb, as he was under some weird spell, watching the way Mickey was leaving again.  
**“See ya, Gallagher”** was the only thing the black haired boy said before closing the door behind him. Words that Ian was about to hear over and over again in his mind the next few days.  
This was the first time from many years when Ian Gallagher became absolutely speechless. He didn’t know what to do, what to say, he didn’t knew what the hell had just happened and perhaps he would have never understand. What he also didn’t know was the way Mickey felt on his shaky knees at the exact moment when the door shut behind him. _What, the hell, did he just do?! What was he about to say to Jay?!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't posted for a while but I didn't had the chance to write. It's 4:21 am and I'm dying for sleep. So, this is the unedited version of what I've written - I'll try to edit it tomorrow - but I really wanted to share it with you guys.  
> Things didn't turn out as planned but I just needed a few more kisses after 5x12. So... I have no idea what I'll do with the story from now on.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos, comments and everything else. You guys are amazing! <3


	6. Who knew...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He doesn’t know, does he?!” Mandy finally asked, leaning on the kitchen counter. Her elbows had hit the surface hard and she had made Ian’s favourite grumpy face that only members of Milkovich family had been able to do.  
> “What you mean?”  
> “You didn’t tell him, I assume. Do not play dumb in front of me.” Yep, Mandy had been too fucking drunk to even know what she had been talking right now.  
> “Christ, Mandy. I don’t know what are you talking ‘bout”. Ian opened the bottle with his teeth just like Mickey had taught him to.  
> “That you like him. I know you’re in love with my brother. I know you’re gay. Ta-da! It’s not exactly a secret since you are the worst liar I know. So do something and tell him, ‘kay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of Ian's memories about his friendship with Mickey.  
> This is the first part of them, I'd try to post the second one as soon as I can and everything would be clearer, but it just turned out too long  
> It's unedited... of course... :3

**_Part 1._ **

If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
Cause they're all wrong  
I know better  
Cause you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew  
  
Remember when we were such fools  
And so convinced and just too cool  
Oh no  
No no  
I wish I could touch you again  
I wish I could still call you friend  
I'd give anything  
(Pink – Who Knew)

 

**26 th of October, _2009 _ Chicago**

It was Friday morning and Ian just couldn’t wait until the school was over. By the end of the last class he was constantly looking at the clock that was hanging from the wall in front of him, literally praying to hear the school bell. But it was something else that he heard.  
His phone vibrated on his left hip, making his whole tremble in surprise. Without thinking, Ian got it out from his pocket and lifted it on the desk not caring if his teacher would see him. Right now, this still unread text was the only thing that was able to save him from dying from boredom. He squinted at the desktop and with a fast motion opened the message box.

  **From Mandy:** _Sunshine, tonight – 9pm, at my place. Bring some alcohol and your best mood. TIME TO PARTY, YEAH?!_

Except that Gallagher wasn’t really in the mood for partying. The only thing he wanted was to get back home, lay on the bed and spent some time self-pitying. He hadn’t heard from Mick for about two weeks now and blamed himself for that. Wait, no. He didn’t blame himself, he blamed Mandy and her stupid kick-ass parties that made him too drunk to even think. The last one – two weeks ago – turned into a fucking time-to-say-everything-we-think-about and it turned out bad. Really, really bad.  
Ian put his phone back without answering Mandy’s message and his face in his palms. He didn’t even want to think about it but the memories kept coming uninvited and they decided that the best time to show up was now.

 **Two weeks ago** Ian had been sitting on the stairs of the Milkovich house – with a beer in his hand and a pretty fucked-up mood when Mickey had shown up and had sat next to him.  
**“This party’s lame. Ready to escape, o’ you need another beer?!”** Mickey had asked him, leaving his head rest on Ian’s shoulder. The whole night his best friend looked somehow miserable and Mick really hated him seeing like that. They barely had the time to talk to each other and Mickey really wanted to know what had happened – cause, you know, he kinda cared back then.  
**“Yeah, why not?”** Ian had answered while draining what had left in the brown bottle. God, this was a shitty beer but after all it was a beer.  
**“Good, what about drop Jacob at his place first, I promised to give him a ride, wanna join us?”**  
Ian had just looked at his best friend realizing that he had known something about him that Mickey hadn’t realized yet. The Milkovich boy preferred Jacob’s company from a few months. Ian had never assumed that Mickey would prefer spending his time with someone else but here he was – almost giggling like a stupid girl at the boy’s nonsenses, ready to do literally everything in every part of the day for him, even dressing up for him when they had been hanging out together. He was always there for him and Ian hadn’t enjoyed that feel of jealous inside of him every time he had glanced at both of them talking, slightly touching as they were trying to stay out of people’s focus, giggling and even tickling. Gallagher felt as he had been left behind and that he wasn’t Mickey’s priority anymore. But why would he be? Mickey had been able to talk with Jacob about things that he hadn’t been able to talk about with Ian – and the most important of them was the topic about girls. Milkovich could never do this with the younger boy just because it hadn’t felt natural, especially after Mick had already learnt the truth about Gallagher.    
**“N-naah… I’ll wait you here, get another one and then we can ditch out.”** He had answered despite his own feeling of being the third wheel tonight. Mickey had the need to sort his shit out with Jacob and Ian had decided to give him the time to do it.  
**“Fine by me. See ya in 20. Try not to have too much fun, tough guy.”**  
Mickey had given him the best smile he could, patting him on the back as he had wanted to show him even more that they are nothing but best friend or were they?. And why would he? Ian was clearly different from him. There was like a whole bridge that was between two of them and almost every time Ian felt that they belonged to different planets, how could they had been best friends for that long? They had had nothing in common.  
Mickey had left with Jacob a few minutes after their conversation and Ian had decided that it was better for him to get drunk by the time his friend’s back. So he went back in the house, clearly trying to avoid everyone who had tried to speak to him. But he just couldn’t avoid bumping at the drunken Mandy who almost had fallen on him while dancing near the refrigerator.  
**“’Sup, sunnyboy?! What’s that face of yours!?”** she had screamed at his face, spilling whatever was in her hand on the ground and Ian’s jeans.  
**“I have no idea what you mean, Mandy.”** Ian had answered avoiding eye contact. After a short battle of staring each other, he had rolled his eyes, already feeling sorry that had left other Milkovich to know him that better. **“Fine. I’m not in a mood, so I am waiting for Mick to come back and go somewhere else where aren’t that many people I hate, ‘kay?”**  
**“You know he’s with Jake, right?!”**  
**“Yeah, he’d give him a ride and come back later.”**  
**“He doesn’t know, does he?!** ” Mandy finally asked, leaning on the kitchen counter. Her elbows had hit the surface hard and she had made Ian’s favourite grumpy face that only members of Milkovich family had been able to do.  
**“What you mean?”**  
**“You didn’t tell him, I assume. Do not play dumb in front of me.”** Yep, Mandy had been too fucking drunk to even know what she had been talking right now.  
**“Christ, Mandy. I don’t know what are you talking ‘bout”.** Ian opened the bottle with his teeth just like Mickey had taught him to.  
**“That you like him. I know you’re in love with my brother. I know you’re gay. Ta-da! It’s not exactly a secret since you are the worst liar I know. So do something and tell him, ‘kay.”**  
Ian had stayed on his place as his shoes were glued to the ground. He had no idea from where Mandy had learned that but for sure it hadn’t been from him. The ginger boy tried to open his mouth and to say something smart or at least something but he couldn’t. Only a short breath had come out from him and he had felt like someone had been squeezing his lungs in order to leave him breathless. **“Excuse me, I’m going to say hello to the guys over there”** she had said, acting like nothing had happened and had left him completely shocked in the middle of the kitchen.  
  
Mickey had come back, as he said, 20 minutes after. He had parked in front of the house as always and Gallagher had already been waiting for him.  
**“Come on, big guy, let’s get out of here.”** He had shouted through the car window and had turned the music up. To Ian’s surprise, he had been listening to DMX- The Rain all day long.  
Ian hadn’t waited for a second invitation. He had jumped in the car and soon after that Mickey had started the engine and had got out of there.  
This was the first time in his life when Gallagher had heard him **actually** singing. Not only whistling – singing as loud as he could.  
He had parked the car in a dark, empty alley and had turned the music down.  
**“Would you finally tell me what’s wrong?! You seem a little bit out of place these days.”**  
**“Nothing’s wrong. I have no idea why you think so…”** Gallagher answered and took a cigarette from the pack inside his pocket. **“Want one?!”**  
Mickey had taken the cigarette and had decided to leave things like that for now. He knew that if Ian had wanted to talk about something with him, he would have.  
They had talked about too much things, maybe it had been because it had passed 3 o’clock and it had been the best time for being honest. They had laughed, they had been talking about the future, they had been talking about the past and all the things they had always wanted to do, about dreams and ideas, about the life. All topics they had stayed away from had been mentioned tonight. So Ian decided that it had been the best time for asking things he hadn’t been ready for to get an answer.  
**“You told Mandy, ‘bout me?”** He had stretched himself on the seat, feeling stiff from all the sitting.  
**“What makes ya think so?”** Mickey had answered him, his voice full of surprise.He had almost jumped on his place, putting his hands on the wheel. He might had been everything but he would had never said Ian’s biggest secret to anyone.  
**“He… asked me stuff…”** Ian had started with a low voice, his eyes already closing. His heart had been racing in his chest as he had been trying to find the right words to explain to Mickey what had happened without telling him everything.  
“Well, she can ask whatever she want, what makes ya think she knows?” Mickey asked still confused.  
**“’Cause she said it. She knows I am gay.”**  
**“Oh, and of course you decided that I must have told her, right?!”** there had been no chance for Ian not to see how offended Mickey was.  
**“You are the only one who know, Mick”** Ian had said tiredly and had turned his whole body, his face in a millimeters to Milkovich’s.  
**“Well, I haven’t told her. I haven’t told anyone.”** Mickey had crossed his hands in front of his chest, licking his lips nervously. This could had meant only two things – he had been lying or he had been really, really angry. Ian had preferred to think that it was the second one.  
**“Fine.”** Was the only thing that came from Ian’s mouth. They had been staying without talking for a few minutes, when Ian had decided that it was about time to get together and ask whatever he had been thinking about the past few weeks.  
**“Are you sure it’s not a problem for you?”** when his best friend raised his eyebrows as he had wanted to ask something, Ian had explained himself. **“I mean, being friends with me. You know… because I’m gay.”**  
**“You’re such a dork. I thought we were clear ‘bout this.”**  
Mickey had moved with an inch so that he had been able to see the whole Gallagher’s face and smiled stupidly.  
**“I love you, ‘kay? I wouldn’t care if you were straight or… transgender or anything like this. I wouldn’t. I love you, Gallagher.”**  
Ian had frozen on his place. This had been the first and problably the last time when he would hear Mickey to say something like this. He hadn’t expected it and maybe that’s why he had just stood there, with his mouth half opened and his eyes widen in shock.  
**“Well… I… I mean…”** Ian had tried to put some words in a sentence but it had been too hard for him to even think. He hadn’t had the slightest idea what he had been about to say or do. And Mickey’s hand on his hip, rubbing it slowly and calmly hadn’t helped much. The ginger boy had felt his mouth dry and his lips too sticky. His fingers had moved just a little bit in order to craw into Mickey’s. His eyes had traced them as he had just wanted to be sure that he’s the one who had been doing this because everything felt like he had just been watching the whole scene on a movie tape or something like that.  
And then Ian had done it…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it turned out to be really hard to write something you've gone through. This is my personal story but written to suit Mickey and Ian - the saddest part is that I didn't have to change it that much :D  
> So I'm sorry that it is so long but I just felt that I had to write everything in details. You'd get the second part as soon as I can finish it, because, as I said it was pretty hard for me to write personal experiences.  
> But hey, I thought that it would be a good thing for the story... And if I have to be honest, in the beginning I had decided to base the whole fic on my life but it turned out almost impossible since I am a girl (and obviously I am not that good writer).  
> Well... Hope you enjoy it?! <3


	7. Who Knew... Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wellllll... Ian's getting his first blowjob. Yey for him. :3 :D
> 
> I know I suck at Chapter Summaries'... Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well.. this is the second part of the "Who Knew" Chapter :333   
> It is some of Ian's memories with Mickey that he'd never forget.

**Part 2**

Gallagher had moved just a little bit, his lips already trembling nervously. He had felt Mickey’s fingers wrapped tightly around his own, his thumb slightly caressing Ian’s as he had been trying to encourage him. He had bended just a little bit, so that his eyes could focus Mick’s face, trying to puzzle out what had been happening inside of him right now.   
Years later, Ian still wasn’t sure who took the first step. It was like a fog in his mind and every time he had tried to remember what exactly had happened only blurred images of that night came up to his brain. But he remembered one thing for sure.  
He had felt Mickey’s finger over the fly of his jeans, slowly moving against the material, lightly squeezing the arousing bulge under him. He had remembered his own face turning bright red like his whole body was set on fire, his eyes widely open and dry. His pupils were with the size of a coin, the colour of his eyes had turned dark hazel. Ian remembered the way he was staring at Mickey’s hand, without even blinking, too afraid that if he do it, he would lose the moment and everything would come to its end.   
Ian’s body had tensed against the unfamiliar feeling of someone else’s hand caressing his body. His lips had been parted, struggling for each breath he had been able to take. Even after 5 years, Gallagher still remembered the feeling between two of them - it had been too hot, the air between them had been too heavy and it had been too unreal for him to move. He could feel the tension between their bodies, the electricity that dragged them closer to each other as they were some kind of magnets which couldn’t had been teared apart.   
Ian had inhaled deeply when Mickey’s fingers had opened his fly, unbuttoning the only button of his jeans, eagerly taking them down to his knees. He may or may have not whispered Mickey’s name when the older boy’s hand slipped under his boxers, wrapping his finger around Ian’s pulsating cock.   
**“Shut up”** Ian remembered clearly Mickey’s voice, going through his ears like a melody, low and hoarse, full of eagerness. Milkovich’s palm squeezed even tighter around Ian’s dick, making the younger boy moan quietly through his clenched teeth. The dark-haired boy had bent over a little so that his tongue could slip down to Ian’s crotch, taking it all in his watering mouth, literally making Gallagher squirming. He had done a few short licks on the base and then impatiently had moved up, sucking just a little bit harder on  the head, moving his tongue in slow circles.  One thing Ian had known for sure by that time – he had been feeling like a teenager who was about to explode in Mickey’s mouth if the boy hadn’t stopped soon.  
**“Mick… Mick.”** He whispered anxiously, licking slowly his bottom lip. **“Please, stop… I.. I..** ” but he hadn’t been able to finish his sentence.   
The next thing Gallagher remembered was the way that Mickey looked at his face. He had lifted his eyes, his hungry already darker eyes, like he had been just about to eat him all and Ian had stopped him on the most interesting part of Mickey’s carouse. Milkovich’s breath had been low and fast, somehow fitfully. His lips were bloody red and swollen as a proof what had just been happening. But he hadn’t stopped. On the contrary Mick had started moving his hand even faster until the only things that had been coming from Ian’s mouth were low groans, accompanied by deep breath outs.   
Mickey had grinned at him, biting the corner of his lip until he had felt Ian’s blood rushing through his pulsating vain, making his cock stone-hard, leaking pre-cum over his thumb. He had tilted his head again, ready to take him in his mouth even deeper, hungrily taking every drop of pre-cum with the edge of his tongue. Mickey’s own hand had been trembling in desperation of something more. He had felt uncomfortable on his seat, his jeans too tight to keep his own cock inside. He had felt his whole body burning, the blood turning his face bright red… Suddenly, it had gotten too hot. Too hot to even breathe or move but Milkovich just couldn’t stop.   
Ian had felt himself on the edge of spilling inside Mickey’s mouth and it had been getting harder to handle himself. He had tried to warn Mick one more time but the older boy hadn’t left him continue his sentence. His free hand went through Ian’s shirt caressing his flat, tight stomach, not giving him the opportunity to move even with an inch.   
And that had made it for Ian. He had clutched his fingers at Mick’s dark hair, trying to pull him away but to his surprise it only made him suck even harder. Soon after that Gallagher felt his body like through an earthquake, shaking unstoppable under Mick. Now he had been moaning even louder, his free hand clenched with his fingers deep in the flesh of his palm.   
**“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!”** he had almost screamed when he had felt himself coming over Mickey’s hot lips, hands and chin. It definitely had taken Mickey by surprise, because he had stopped moving for a while. Ian was almost sure that he had felt Mick’s mouth forming a smile around his cock when he had started licking him clean as he hadn’t wanted to miss a single drop.  
Ian had stood in the car absolutely shocked. He hadn’t even got the strength to do something – like put himself back into the jeans and boxers or even look at Mickey’s face, who had now been cleaning his lips and chin with the back of his hand. Milkovich’s breath hadn’t stilled yet and his heart was pounding loudly through his T-shirt. His own loins had been pulsating eagerly, his own cock too hard to be neglected. Just a few more seconds and Mickey sworn that he would had come in his pants untouched.   
**“Mick…”** Ian had whispered slowly turning his head to Mickey who now had been laying on his own seat with shut eyes. The boy had been still breathing through his half-opened mouth as he had just run 1000 miles. The ginger boy had slipped his gaze down to Mick’s body, focusing the perfectly shaped bulge through his jeans. There had been a middle-sized wet spot where the head of his cock was, evidence for the pre-cum that had been leaking all the time.   
Like Mickey had known what Ian had been doing right now, he had put his hand right on that spot, hiding it from the ginger boy’s sight. No evidences anymore.   
**“Don’t say a word, Gallagher. Never –ever again, ‘cause this…”** he had shown spreading his hand theatrically **“has never happened.”**  
Ian had bit his bottom lip almost until bleeding, stopping himself for saying whatever he had wanted to say. He had just nodded slowly, taking his time to zip his jeans and calm his breath.  
**“You hear me, Gallagher?! Never.”** Mickey had repeated, this time looking right at Ian’s tensed face, just to see his swollen lips, flushed cheeks and darker, shining eyes.   
**“I have no idea what are you talkin’ ‘bout”** Ian had finally answered with a sad smile on his face.   
**“That’s what I was talkin’ ‘bout. Good boy.”**  
Ian had wanted to scream “I am not a fucking, dog, ‘kay, do not tell me that I’m a good boy” but he hadn’t said a thing. He had just waited for Mickey to start the car and had turned his face to the window, glancing at the changing landscape, without actually seeing a thing. He couldn’t had stopped himself from thinking what had just happened and there had been nothing on that planet that could explain it to him. Not even Mickey Milkovich. And from the look on his face, Ian could had suggested that he had been thinking about the same thing right now. And the ginger boy couldn’t had missed the fact that his best friend had never looked that uneasy, nervous and confused –he had been seen every single face that Mick had been making but not this one, not really.   
When they had arrived in front of Gallgher’s house Mickey had been still silent. He hadn’t said a word during the whole ride and hadn’t been planning to. The dark haired boy just had waited for his best friend to open the car’s door and had said again.  
**“Not a word, ‘kay?”**  
**“I still have no idea what are you talking about”** pretended Ian putting a fake smile on his tired face. Thinking too much never helped for dealing with an enormous headache. **“See ya.”** Ian had tried to say cheerfully, waving uncomfortably through the opened window.  
**“Yeah, whatever, man.”** Mickey had answered his voice full of boredom and started the engine again. Seconds after that Gallagher had lost the car of his sight.   
And this was the last time for weeks when Ian have seen his best friend. He spent too much hours considering what went wrong, what exactly have happened but never ended with a conclusion, just because he had no real memories of their actions. Everything happened too fast and now was too blurred in his mind. But in the moment when Mickey left him in front of his house, Gallagher already knew that their next meeting would be more than confusing and uncomfortable – for both of them. But he still needed an answer.  
By the end of the class, Ian finally answered Mandy’s message about the party she was throwing. He decided to go – at least he had nothing to lose. He felt like he had lost his best friend already, so how worse it could get?   
The same night, at Mandy’s party, Ian understood something he wished he wouldn’t. Something that made his whole world fall apart for a second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of enjoyed writing this. I'm planning on getting better in writing porn but well.. who knows? At least I'm trying, right?!
> 
> The next chapter will be back in 2015, don't worry, it's enough with the memories...for now.
> 
> Thank you for reading, for the comments, kudos, bookmarks and so on <3 <3 <3  
> You are amaizing! 
> 
> /if you want to contact me about the fic, you can do it on addic7edx@yahoo.com :3

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time publishing, so... Yeah.  
> English is not my first language - every recommendations and critics are really welcome!


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